Further Down Under

My current state of affairs is a unique combination of deplorable and hilariously whimsical. It is amazing how often a man is forced to eat his own words and go back on what he so profoundly proclaimed is being beneath his so called ‘standards’. It’s even more amazing if you happen to be one of those people who suffer from public proclamation and exhibitionism disease. In my case this happens to be referring to the networking website or as one gentleman made famous ‘inter personal’ networking website “Orkut”. Now this is the deal. I have often looked down upon people who have relied upon such sites as a lifeline and cant sleep without checking their scrap count. (quite honestly, ‘kayi logon ko hugga nahi aata’ is what I was trying to say; the translated paraphrase not quite working). Now however I sadly admit I am back to orkutting, blogging and yes even facebooking.

My current employers (God bless their souls for paying me for doing nothing) had a reputation for keeping their subjects as it were, busy with loads of menial tasks such as photocopying and spiralling. Thus it was often referred to as the glorified and obviously higher paying version of the intern at SCOOPS. Now unfortunately after a rather embarrassing situation the previous year they have decided to cut down to the objected mentioned quality of work. The result of this Managerial decision (I assume taken over an hour long meeting with a table full of eatables and two mega packs of Tui Beer, as is customary with all meeting here) has had quite a drastic result on my life. My iPod’s 30GB memory of music has been played over and over again. My personal files which were glorified calendars with important dates have been updated with everything from Man Utd fixtures to holidays from the IIT calendar. The transfer rumours from every nook and corner have been read and discarded.

It is then that I returned to the avenger of boredom. The world wide web or to be more precise Orkut. I am tempted to give you a long sentence using the MS Word thesaurus using the alphabet ‘O’. But this lack of work has drained me of my will to go through all the effort (the reader is however free to do so and get back to me). I am now reduced to a low life that scans through people’s scrapbooks only to hope that in the lowest form of social existence perhaps the clock progresses slightly quicker than usual. Now I resort to an even more public form of expression, baring my soul as it were (Nah, just sounds more dramatic that way). But there is a saving grace to this rather lowly existence. The past precedent of me having almost retired from all sorts of ‘networking’ once the summers is over is a comforting thought to fall back on, although the drastic withdrawal and complete sticking to my shell has drawn flak from a few quarters as well. Nonetheless I feel this rather ‘Seinfeld’esque post about ‘nothing at all’ has stretched beyond human minds capacity to even stay remotely interested. With that I sign out. Cheers mate. (luv sayin this)

Einstein At IIT

The normal engineer (now that’s an unavoidable paradox) thinks of relativity and E=mc2 the very instant he hears the name “Einstein”. Then he contorts his face to give the impression of trying to remember the exact differential equation needed to arrive at the all too famous result while in reality he is merely trying to remember what in gods name that often used and abused word meant. Relativity as defined by the young engineers good friend Mr. Google is the doctrine that measurements and perceptions are true only in relation to a given observer at a given place and time. However the modern day concoctions of Fundas coupled here at the haven of IIT with our over zealous and hyper competitive spirit means an even more special theory of relativity has evolved and begun to take shape.

Before this perceived to be what it is not; a discourse on the bell curve grading system (which I promise to write about one of these days) allow me to elaborate. These monstrosities called minors and majors punctuate the dog race that is our life here at IIT. It would be unfair and naïve to limit the scope of comparison and measurements as it were to the academic sphere. Rather it is perhaps the only activity IITian’s indulge in without malice and compete earnestly for. The Frustu Fight to increase your GPA is the only one viewed with a semblance of respect and dignity. Everything else falls prey to the ‘very’ special theory of relativity, which I still haven’t explained. The theory is difficult to word in as much as it should be reasonable clear to understand for anyone who has been witness to it. But perhaps a slight clarification on the parameters is necessary. The space and time frames are here and now and perceptions is a word of limitless possibilities. We are a cruel species us JEE cleared lot. Our sole purpose in life seems to be to reach the top of the proverbial ladder. Each rung of achievements costing us another friend yet providing an incremental CV point to the never-ending list. The sense of personal achievement and the phrase ‘personally gratifying’ mean nothing here. This is the world where X’s greed to plunder a token position on every committee/group is a compliment. A place where Y’s insatiable hunger for power, post and recognition supersedes a confidence in one’s ability and an opportunity to their juniors to learn the valuable lessons, which ought to be shared and developed here at IIT. My loathing of such individuals and the culture and horrid legacy they leave behind is perhaps too severe and hopefully will be short lived. My greatest fear however still remains the undeniable inner urge to turn into these monstrosities myself.

Where the fuck does relativity figure into this seemingly blurred picture I have painted? Hopefully the only saving grace to justify the aforementioned is abuse or an over extension of constant comparisons and the way we size ourselves up in each specific department and aspect of life; Academics, attitude, articulation, appearance, agility and most importantly perception. Without perception the others fade into insignificance. And the end of the day the only thing common to us all is how for that brief moment whenever we enter a room we look into the closest pairs of eyes we can find and build yourself up in comparison to the owner of those very eyes who we accuse to be guilty of doing the same to ease our conscience. A world without relativity? Who is one in such a world ? Alone I answer.

Life in the times of fear of ridiculous proportions

Perhaps my apprehensions are misplaced, perhaps my priorities have been dislodged from their original sane hierarchy or perhaps this extremely random thought process is a natural manifestation of the situation I find myself in. Now that my ceremonious never-ending conjunct sentence has hopefully grabbed your attention, I shall proceed to numb your mind to a lighter shade of grey. The aforementioned situation is that of being in a foreign land. I would love to be more precise and be more descriptive about the scenario I find myself in but I will not. The reason being, that my state of mind and state of being are all relatively unaffected by these details. I say relatively because I have come to realize that to survive on your own and more importantly be happy on your own is a talent that very few possess. I am certainly devoid of such attributes, which proves it, with me authoring such utter melancholic nonsense. I am a social being as I believe man was made to be. However the ability to survive all by your own and the satisfaction and a sense of achievement bordering on happiness is something that has always eluded me. It is therefore with this realization that I attempt to precede and analyze this rather complex phenomenon with brutality and a total lack of intelligence and finesse.

I would have imagined that I possessed the adequate skill set to be happy alone (I know that didn’t “come out” right) I play sports, listen to music have fairly above average people skills if not good. Then why in an alien environment do I find myself so bemused and vulnerable? The answer lies in the specified prerequisites itself. Maybe I tried to develop these aspects of my personality to meet new people, to become more social and to not face being alone. If only it were so simple. I have over a substantial period of time now felt as if I have been evolving into an agglomeration of vices. Some of which I have imported from here and there and some of my own having multiplied. Now the real problem and frustrating part is the ability to be aware of the path I’m headed down and yet having lost control of the rudder. I have started over thinking and not of the right kind. Earlier my mind was obsessed with grand slam finals and Premier of states and millionaire fantasies (and yes girls too). But, sometime in the past I don’t exactly know when, I decided forcefully that these were neither fruitful nor constructive. So I started to try and alter my thought process whenever I drifted to these aforementioned haunts. I somehow misconstrued pragmatism with pessimism, and went from living in the enjoyable present to living in the possibly woeful future.

Now, I hope things shall be different. Hopefully, being the imperative word in the sentence. I’ve noticed how over the last few months I’ve never really appreciated anything or anyone. Perhaps I’ve lost ability to enjoy and praise and be happy for a particular instant in time, rather focussing on the transient nature of the joy thereby rendering it unimportant. Maybe the overdose of philosophy is a direct outcome of no sports for quite some time. Maybe the severe lack of Punjabi obscenities reaching my eardrums is having a weird withdrawal symptom. Maybe without the daily over dose of ice-teas and frappes from Nescafe my brain goes wonky.
And it has been. As I attempt to continue to wind up this first (and possibly last) ever post while simultaneously turning a new leaf I am proud to announce that I am indeed having a good time. Corrections a decent time with patches of the memorable.